30 Days of Access Consciousness

Day 6 – What’s wrong with me?

Oh my goodness. for such a long time my default position was to make myself wrong. Perhaps not outwardly and yet most definitely inwardly. Are any of you doing this right now I wonder?
What I now get is that this wrongness I was choosing was all to do with judgement. How I judged myself as not good enough in any situation. I would observe other women and constantly compare and judge myself especially as a mother and ask “Why I aren’t I as happy as she is? What is wrong with me?”
When I discovered Access Consciousness I met people who had a lightness about them and life was fun, which I didn’t consider I had, and I desired so very much in my world. They appeared to be happy, calm and make light of many situations. What was this weird spell they appeared to be under? What is this?
What I began to realise was this, the more I listened to and put into practice the tools and techniques of Access Consciousness to everything and anything that was happening in my world I began to release myself from the trap of wrongness I had locked myself into, No one else had done this to me and no one else could change this for me.
When I went to that first Access Bars® training day I told myself that I would get lost, and I did. I told myself that I would be late, and I was. This makes me laugh out loud now as I read it back. I was on the verge of tears and a churning mess when I got to Fiona’s. Imagine my surprise when Fiona stopped me from telling my story and instead gave me this question … “What’s right about this you’re not getting?”, and then she moved on with what she was doing. No fuss, no drama.
She just moved on. I was stunned.
In this reality aren’t we meant to go into the story, mull it over and tell it again and again? Isn’t this going over of stuff meant to be how we change things? Except what if it isn’t? What if this isn’t serving us? What if this isn’t our best choice? What if something else is possible here?
Fiona asked me to change my point of view from where I was making myself wrong and I begin to ask myself ‘What’s right about this I’m not getting?” I have to be honest with you here that this different way of looking at things was annoying. I was so in the way of doing of this reality where I was used to trying to figure things out logically. Until I got that this isn’t logical stuff. This isn’t linear stuff. This is about us as energetic beings and the capacities we have that we refuse to acknowledge in ourselves.
We each have capacities to do things other people don’t have the capacity to do.
Each one of you has capacities to do what other people don’t do. What’s the greatest capacity you have, that you are choosing to believe is a wrongness, that is actually a strongness?
I wonder if like me you chose to ask this question, ‘What’s right about this I’m not getting?’ or ‘What’s right about me I’m not getting?’, what might this create in your future?
My suggestion here is that you begin to look at what you are capable of and stop putting your attention on what you can’t do, the things that you consider a wrongness.
I asked myself this question ‘What’s right about me I’m not getting?’ a bajillion times a day for 18 months and more. Gradually I began to recognise that it wasn’t about being right or wrong it was about choice. I began to become more of me when I chose to unburden myself of the wrongness of me and getting to a place of knowing what I know, which is that I am different, and where I gained a freedom to be who I truly be, with all my weirdness, eccentricities and above all my kindness.
When I recognised that the wrongness I was choosing was just a point of view and if I could view something from one direction I could also change that point of view and look at things from a completely different point of view, I began to step into the change I was seeking more and more dynamically.
So, what’s right about you that you’re not getting?
I invite you to have way too much fun playing with this one lovely people.