30 Days of Access Consciousness

Day 20 – My most abusive relationship

Here is an exercise I did quite some ago and creating these blogs and videos has
reminded me of it and so I’m going to share it with you right now.
For all those of us who look at the wrongness of who we think we be … if you think you’re wrong in any way, shape or form … then please do this.
Because as long as you think you’re wrong, there’s something you hate about you instead of something you love about you. You are in a constant state of judgement of you expecting other people to somehow not notice that you don’t like you.
You’ve got to get to the point where you honour you, you respect you, you treat you with an honouring. This is THE greatest relationship you will ever create. The one you have with you.
How can anyone else honour you if you’re not willing to be this for you?
Would you be willing to consider you and your body as the greatest treasure, a most desired gem and you the most magical being ever created?
Or are you more likely to keep you a buried treasure and ignore your magical capacities? Yeah. Me too. This was me for so many years. I had made myself so wrong for so long for being the weirdo I truly was, for not having a ‘model’ figure etc, that unearthing me I can liken to a full on archaeological dig done with a teaspoon.
Laborious. Unwilling to ask for assistance for a long time because I was afraid of what might disappear from my life. When in actual fact the people that didn’t like didn’t like me. Ok Cool. I now have gathered a truly amazing bunch of weirdos that I can ask questions of and who i know will be truthful with me and call me on my bullshit.

Honouring of you Exercise
How do I hate me? Let me count the ways?
Gary Douglas loves giving this out as an exercise and yes it’s based on the title of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poem, ‘How do I love thee? Let me count the ways’. Write down 20 things about you that you hate, so that you can look at it and go, “Is this really true, or is this an invention, a lie, a distraction I am using to f*ck myself over?”
Gary says that the ways in which you think you hate you are also the ways you are using as excuses and distractions to not make money and live your best life ever.
How does it get any better than that?
You have had lots of tools that when you have your list you can choose one of the tools and use that tool to break the charge, the hold, that this has on you. For me I would, in this 10 seconds, choose ‘Interesting Point of View, I have this Point of View’. For example, Interesting point of view I have the point of view that my hair is straight and boring. Interesting point of view that i think that having curly hair is better than having straight hair. I will repeat this until I get a shift in my energy about this. I am on that archaeological dig with this tool and I won’t know what I will unearth until I begin to dig.
So, will you throw away your teaspoon now and instead get digging with this tool instead?
That’s it for today, my lovely playmates.

For those of you who are interested, these are the actual words to Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poem…
‘How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death’.